It Moutza Time
Just say NAH!
“Hey! Wait a minute,” you might be saying. That’s a John Kass thing, not a Fundamental Things thing. “Why the heck are you writing about it? You’re a pretender, a wanna-be, in fact, you deserve the Moutza for blatant usurpation!”
I agree. It’s just a cheap trick I learned from growing up in Chicago. I’m not a Chicagoan anymore but I still know about the “Chicago Way.” So I’m as good as the next guy at trying to “get up” on my competition for the coveted “Golden Moutza” honors John gives away each month to whoever nominates the biggest “NAH” recipient. The competition is fierce, so many imbeciles, so few Golden Moutzas to be bestowed.
I haven’t won in a while but I’ve received a few honorable mentions and my friends are always super impressed. At least I imagine they are.
John subscribes to this lilliputian newsletter so I’m thinking it’s possible he’ll stumble across this embarrassing ploy and consider letting me have a moment in the sun. (Name dropping never hurts)
It’s possible, but unlikely. He’s a Southside kid like me so he can see through this pathetic ploy and give it the good old fashioned “ignore the ignoramus” treatment it so richly deserves.
Anyway, here’s my nomination for the Golden Moutza for this month.
“In 2021, the Democrat-controlled Oregon Legislature and Governor Kate Brown signed into law Oregon House Bill 3294, which is also known as the “Menstrual Dignity Act”. It requires menstruation products such as sanitary napkins and tampons to be made available in all public school bathrooms, including those for boys. As of last month the Department of Education is requiring schools to install these dispensers.”
So here’s a big fat Michigan Moutza to these very special imbeciles.
And a usurper like me also has to have a backup plan, so here’s my second nomination just in case:
I also nominate the obviously crack cocaine addicted woman who testified before congress that men can have babies and therefore need abortions. Her name, for the Moutza record, is Aimee Arrambide. So here’s to you Amiee and Kate, NAH!! FEESAH ETHO!!!! (It always helps to follow the Moutza rules).
And here’s to my cheap attempt to cut the Moutza line with this lame attempt at ingratiating my friend John Kass. If you don’t subscribe to his columns, Moutza to you as well. The world needs more independent journalists and we should all do our part to support our favorites, whoever they are.
(Sucking up won’t work either but I’m leaving nothing in the bag.)